Summary: Two young adults discuss the future of their relationship one Saturday evening. | Word Count: 1,921
The skateboard flipped out from under Alex, making him tumble down onto the asphalt parking lot. He ripped his jeans and rolled his body next to the concrete car bollard right as the skateboard proceeded to roll to a stop once it hit his helmet. Fortunately the parking lot was devoid of any cars, so he was laying there on the ground with his face looking towards the October sky without much embarrassment. The only other person who witnessed the mistake was his friend who was sitting down against the wall of the abandoned convenience store.
“You dead?” Agatha asked calmly, wiping her forehead of a few beads of sweat.
Fall never came full blast around this town. It wavered between hot and chilly in October and sometimes even through November. The frigid temperatures of winter didn’t arrive until January. The heat began to drop as soon as the sun went down. The area was bathed in golden orange rays and the darkness began to creep up on them. Had the wind kept blowing like it did during the day, it would have been less than 79 degrees Fahrenheit it was now.
“Naahh – but I think I literally tasted pavement this time.” Alex said, picking himself up and started spitting on the ground.
She gazed his way but did not get up yet. She knew he could take a lot of falls and be fine. He was still terrible at coordination, but did adventurous activities all the time without hesitation. He jumped off cliffs at lakes, swung on muscadine vines, climbed trees, and drove a dune buggy after it rained like he was Mad Max. All it took for him to impulse-buy a skateboard was to watch a few popular videos online. He would probably get bored of it and then move onto something else; that was typical for Alex. The parkour trend came and went within a year’s time.
Agatha got up from the shade and walked over to him as he began to complain.
“Yuck. Asphalt taste like a–”
“I got accepted.” Agatha said suddenly.
Alex stopped what he was doing and stared at her for a moment. He stood there taking in those words, then after a few seconds he reached down to pick up his skateboard. Before he could say anything she took his hand and led him back over to where she was sitting.
Agatha sat down with her long skirt tucked around her knees and as Alex sat down and crossed his legs. A few bottles of empty beer lay against the wall along with a box cooler filled with ham and cheese sandwiches that they hardly felt like eating. He was expecting her to tell him an important update for the whole day, yet she remained in a less talkable mood since they walked here from their apartment.
“Oh. That’s good.” Alex said after a few seconds.
He eyed the beer cans wishing there were more of them, but since he was not yet old enough to buy them, he could only borrow so much from his older roommate before he complained despite reimbursing him with money for it. Moving in with his friend with benefits to a two bedroom apartment for the past year and three months was fantastic. She continued on to college after high school to get a teaching degree and he found an easy job stocking goods overnight at a supermarket. Life was good for them however uncertain their relationship status became. In the very least it was stability that benefited them both.
Alex looked to the sunset. He couldn’t meet Agatha’s eyes just yet.
“When do you leave?” Alex asked.
“Six months from now in April. I will be getting a student visa and teaching part time.” Agatha said, resting her head down on her knees.
“That’s soon. I am glad you got in. I know I don’t seem like it, but I really do.” Alex smiled, forcibly.
“I know.” Agatha asked, knowing that he did mean if, even if his face told her otherwise, “Were you surprised that I would actually accept?”
Alex shook his head, lifted the lid of the cooler, and took a sandwich. He needed to eat something, despite his stomach feeling like it was made of lead. They really had not talked very much about this issue. It was brought up once or twice over the past year and neither one of them wanted to start the discussion. It laid in the minds and bubbled in the back of their throats for a long time, knowing of the consequence that comes with diverging paths.
“Nah.” he said, “I know you are smart and talented. I mean you taught yourself Japanese. But… It was a surprise to hear you applied to college in Japan. We came from a small school outside of the city. Neither of us have been out of the country. Japan. That’s pretty far. It’s a big change. It’s bold. I wouldn’t completely expect that you would do something so different.” Alex took small bites out of the sandwich.
He chewed and the flavors felt all wrong. He knew it was the same type of thick hickory smoked ham cuts, swiss cheese, arugula, whole wheat bread, and spicy pepper jelly that he always got from the store that he worked at, yet at this moment it tasted bland.
Agatha looked in the same direction to the sunset as Alex. The light causes shadows to stretch from the baseball stadium a few blocks from them. On a game day, this out-of-business gas station and car wash parking lot would be packed with cars looking for a place to park and save a few bucks by walking.
“I dreamed about this for a long time, even if I told you only once while we both drank at the senior year party. I know that was not the best time to say it, but I want to move far off and see a place I have never seen before. I love the culture of Japan. I know enough of the language for the college requirements. Remember, Rina?”
Alex nodded, “Yeah. You’ve been a pen pal since middle school. You were chatting the other day while I played on my computer.”
Yes- big world, small coincidences – I called not long after I got the email from the sponsorship program. She lives in an apartment there not far from the university I am going to. She said she would help me get a place there, show me around, and keep me sane during the paperwork process. It was one thing that helped me decide to say yes.”
Agatha let her legs slide down, scraping some dust and rocks off the edge of the sidewalk.
“That’s comforting.” Alex said, “Having someone who lives there watching out for you. Yeah. It’s an opportunity you shouldn’t –
“So what about us?” she interrupted Alex.
The swiftness of her words caught him off guard. It shouldn’t have as he knew her well enough for the past four years that she held in many emotions until it burst out at some point. He put his sandwich in his lap and laid his head back against the cool brick wall.
“Like we talked about before. We separate. It’s not like we were a concrete thing. I can’t imagine doing long distance if we wanted to make this whole thing permanent. I am not that type of guy. On the other hand, I don’t want to flush away us but…” he let his words trail to a stop.
“We work better as friends than partners. Right?” Agatha repeated the same words Alex said before.
This struck Alex in the heart like a bolt of cold lightning. It sank his heart into the depths of an infinite abyss when he heard her say it. It was what he felt at times, but the echo from her mouth felt so much stronger than his own words.
“Yeah. I did say that to you at the party, but it’s hard to be together when there is not much of a future. It’s even harder to keep us together when we will be separated by a damn ocean. I mean. Nothing stays the same. That scares me. By the time I see you again. We both become different people.”
Agatha was surprised how thoroughly he thought about their relationship. He was at times difficult to read on how much he was invested in the romantic side. They enjoyed the sex and the companionship of living together. Technically they could see other people as they were not officially together and did not do “dates”. They hung together outside the apartment sometimes when they were not spending time with different friend groups. However neither one of them made a major move to try to date other people. They were stuck in a place that would be less labeled as “it’s complicated” and more, “this works for now, so lets not have a name for it”.
An ambulance siren somewhere far off winded for a while in their silence. A squawking bird flew overhead and the sounds of honking cars continued. Everything in the world was talking except for them.
“Change is scary. I hated changing my whole life, but what I’ve been learning since we got out of high school is that it’s about how you change along with life. How we respond to each unknown. We can adapt to the change – at least I know now that I can get to the places where I want to go.” Agatha answered.
Alex wished he had more beer – damn that minimum drinking age of 21. He could go to war, drive a 2,000 lb metal vehicle, and be federally recognized as an adult, yet couldn’t buy a simple 5% beer.
“I could try to keep this going for longer. Agatha, I really do want it to work. But I don’t want to move away from this city. I like it here. And my boss recently talked to me about taking a higher wage position in the electronics section of the store. I know I’m not book smart like you and this is just a lame retail job, but I want to save up for a better car. I like the friends I made there. And it’s hard to hold out on us if I have to wait years for you to return after you finish school. If you decide to stay longer, then I will complete the end of it.” Alex said, tossing a small chunk of broken concrete into the lot.
“That’s…completely fair. We can only wonder how it will work out.” Agatha said with tears in her eyes.
Alex wiped his nose which had started to run before he realized it was happening. They had this conversation before, where he was the one crying his eyes out. He convinced himself afterwards things would feel better and that it was a bad dream. Yet now it felt so much more real.
“I can promise to try at least.” Alex said, “if you want to become a thing. I can try.”
The two of them held hands while the sun fully sank behind the tall buildings of the city behind the stadium. Street lights blinked on and parking was drenched in darkness. Both sat in the dark thinking of the future that would soon come and the past they would have to leave behind, not knowing where it would ultimately lead.
Off Beat Off Kilter 